Recently, Ellen DeGeneres opened up about a harrowing family secret, hoping her candid revelation will inspire others facing similar experiences.
From 1989 to 1990, DeGeneres landed her first recurring role in the sitcom Open House. By 1994, she became the star of These Friends of Mine, later renamed Ellen. Reflecting on the role, she told The New York Times in 1994, “I was laughing out loud when I read the script. I knew what I could do with it. I wanted a show that everybody talks about the next day.”
The show became a cultural phenomenon, especially after DeGeneres came out as a lesbian both on-screen and in real life in 1997.
Trauma and Advocacy
In a 2001 interview with Barbara Walters, Heche revealed she had been sexually abused by her father as a child. “He raped me,” she said, explaining the difficulty survivors face in recounting abuse. “It’s always hard for children to talk about abuse because it’s only memory… That’s one of the most painful things—you don’t have proof, just the memories.”
DeGeneres, too, has been vocal about the challenges survivors face. In a 2018 interview with Savannah Guthrie, she shared, “As a victim of sexual abuse, I am furious at people who don’t believe it and who ask, ‘How do you not remember exactly what day it was?’ You remember what happened, where you were, and how it made you feel. That’s what you remember.”
The comedian first publicly disclosed her abuse during an episode of The Ellen DeGeneres Show, responding to Busy Philipps, who shared her own story of assault at age 14. DeGeneres revealed, “I was 15 and I had something happen to me. Anyone who’s been through it gets so angry when people ask, ‘Why did you wait so long?’ It’s because we’re taught to stay silent.”
A Painful Revelation
In 2019, DeGeneres provided further details during an interview with David Letterman on his Netflix show, My Next Guest Needs No Introduction. She revealed the abuse occurred when she was 15 or 16 after her mother underwent a mastectomy for breast cancer. Her stepfather used the diagnosis as a pretext to assault her, claiming he needed to “check for lumps” in her breasts.
“When she was out of town, he told me he’d felt a lump in her breast and needed to feel mine,” DeGeneres said, visibly emotional. “He convinced me to let him, and then he tried again and again.”
DeGeneres kept the abuse secret for years before finally confiding in her mother. However, her claims were initially dismissed. “I should have protected myself,” she said. I should have protected myself and I didn’t tell her for a few years and then I told her,” she said of her mom, who stayed married to the monster for another 18 years. “…she didn’t believe me…And finally left him because he’d changed the story so many times.”
Speaking of her lifelong trauma, DeGeneres – who’s continued to care for her mom over the years – adds, “I didn’t really let it get to me. Until recently, I kind of went, ‘I wish I would have been better taken care of. I wish she would have believed me.’ And she’s apologetic, but, you know.”
We hope DeGeneres, and all the other outspoken people, serve as inspiration to those who remain silent.
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